Your First Kiss After Your Last Love

As a young girl who had her heart broken at a young age, I understand what it’s like to open up to someone afterwards. I fell in love when I was eighteen years old and it was magical. You feel like everything is perfect and everything is finally falling into place. You feel like you’ll never have to worry about being forever alone again, as every young girl worries about. You open up to this person and tell them everything about yourself from the time when you were three years old and went camping with your parents, to that shitty grade you got on your paper in History today. You give them everything you have and you talk about your futures together. You create dreams together and watch as they begin to come true. You support each other in your first day of college and make sure you go to every sporting event so they have a fan in the stands.

The day finally comes where you two move on from each other. One of you becomes interested in someone else and you grow your separate ways. Priorities become different and your dreams you created together slowly drift apart. You no longer talk about the great things that happened to you today, rather you argue about the stress you are enduring over the huge final you have next week. That is, if you really even talk at all. Things are finally broken off and you sit in your room and wonder what you could have done differently. You watch Nicholas Sparks movies so it gives you a reason to cry rather than cry over your own heartbreak. You go hang out with your friends and keep your mind off of everything going on in your own life. You keep a smile on your face so people don’t ask you what’s wrong.

                                                                                                  -Nicholas Sparks

The feeling of opening up to someone new is scary. What if they judge you for your past? What if they judge you for who you are? You spent the whole last two years building yourself and learning who you are. You made promises to yourself and set your own goals that you hope someone in the future can help you meet. If this person doesn’t like you for who you are now, they are not the one for you. Don’t get me wrong, they are going to pretend to not be interested for a long time and maybe that’s because they are in the same position as you. Maybe it’s because that is their way of flirting with you. Or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to you yet. Whatever you do though, don’t change who you have worked yourself up to be.

One day, you’ll finally go out on your first date with a guy. He will take you to a nice restaurant and pay for your meal. You two will get to know each other and it will be the simple things like, how many siblings you have, what your favorite food is and how many pets you have had in your lifetime. At some point around this time, you two will share your first kiss. If it is the right person, this moment will be magical. For a moment in time you will forget your heart was ever broken. This person instantly becomes glued to your mind. You begin to spend time with them and start opening up more and more to this person about what you want your future to hold and how you want to get there.

And then you remember. You remember what heartbreak feels like and you no longer want to open up to this person because of the pain you once felt. You never want to feel the way you felt sitting in your bedroom two years ago. You don’t want to fear them finding someone prettier, smarter or better than you. At what point do you tell yourself that the time is right and you are ready to forget about how the past made you feel and moving forward with this person who hasn’t hurt you? Unfortunately there is no time for me to say. It could take two months, it could take ten years.

All I know, is when you find this person, you will know it is time. Don’t lose hope when you break your heart. Build yourself to be the best you can be and when the next person comes around, they will help build you up and support you in everything you do. It’s the person who’s bedroom you sneak into late at night so their roommates don’t hear you talking at 4 in the morning. It’s the person that you can joke around and laugh with. It’s someone who your friends will tease you about and tell you how perfect you two are for each other. They make you feel that high school ‘love’ you once felt when you were younger. Falling for someone after you’ve had your heart broken is one of the best feelings you can ever have. You feel hope, and I am optimistic that everybody at some point in their lives can feel this way about someone after having their heart broken.

Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

A.D.

Advertisements

Tinder.

For starters, what is tinder? Tinder is a dating app for college kids. I guess you can use it outside of college and at the age of 40, but odds are high that I am judging you hard if you are 30 years old and using Tinder. Tinder is the McDonalds for sex. Cheap, convenient and always open.

Tinder terms include:
Swipe left: don’t like
Swipe right: like
Super like: thirsty

When setting up your Tinder profile, many questions come to mind.What pictures do I use? I only get 6, so I have to make them good. Do I use selfies? If they are all selfies, do I look like I don’t have any friends? But if I post pictures with friends, how do they know which one is me? What if they swipe right because they like my friend? What if I have a really good guy friend and I want that as one of my pictures? Do I have to clarify that he is only a friend? I don’t want you to think I have a boyfriend.
Second, you have to write a bio about yourself. What do I write? Do you list things you like? Do I put a unique quote or lyrics? Do I say “I’m here for a relationship” or “I’m here for rap battles”? What am I really here for? Which gets me thinking, what was Tinder created for? eHarmony for college kids? Deep down I want to meet someone, but this really isn’t the way I want to do it. Most people don’t take this app seriously anyways.
Tinder connects with your Facebook profile, which shares where you go to school or work. Is this safe? Do I share that with people? I want them to know I’m successful and doing real things and I’m a real person. I want them to think I’m going places, yet here I am on Tinder.

On top of “About Me” you also have to set up your preferences. Am I interested in guys or girls? Wait, neither is an option? Why am I here then? Both? In college I guess is the time to try. Keep an open mind, right? Age range. Do I go for younger guys? Will that get me in trouble? How low can I go? How old can I go? 55+ is an option, but again, if you’re 55 and on Tinder, you need to reevaluate your life. Is 30 too old for me? I think 25 is too old for me. I’m not trying to settle down yet, I don’t even know what I’m going to have for dinner.”Show me in Discovery” what does this even mean??? I guess I’ll turn it on because I want people to “discover” me. What is an appropriate distance? I’m not trying to drive two hours just to meet up with someone. Am I going to meet new people within 20 miles? Holy shit, Appleton has a lot of people on Tinder.

Now comes to swiping. When two people swipe right, they are a match. If we’re a match, do I message you or do I wait for you to message me? What’s the first thing you say? Hey? Ask a question? Say something witty? “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”. Drop a cheesy pickup line? Who are you voting for? Tinder is extremely awkward. Guys, just please start the conversation by saying you like my tattoos.

TIP: DO NOT ASK ME WHAT BRINGS ME TO TINDER. I don’t know why I’m on Tinder. Yeah, I’m kind of looking for a relationship, but is Tinder the place I want to meet my soulmate?

When is the appropriate time to meet someone off of Tinder? Should I meet them? What if I like talking to them, but hate hanging out with them? What if they don’t look like their pictures? This is actually a reoccurring fear of mine. I would hate to fall for someone via text then absolutely hate them when I start hanging out with them. Is meeting new people okay to do when you met them online? People say it’s great to get to know strangers in college. What’s the difference between going up to someone in the library and sending someone a message on Tinder? You know you’re not going to get rejected on Tinder because you both already swiped right.

This isn’t me saying I’m against Tinder, because it’s one of my favorite apps, but what are other peoples opinions on it? Are  you allowed to be on Tinder in public or is that frowned upon? I was hitting up a guy on Tinder at one of my best friends sisters confirmation parties, is the Lord judging me? Church.

s/o to Kaitlin Lotto for helping me write this one.

 

 

F*ckboys.

Beginning in the early 2010s, fuckboys were officially born. What is a fuckboy for those of you who don’t know? Urban dictionary says, a fuckboy is a person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t about shit. Also known as, a manipulative dick who does whatever it takes to benefit him regardless of who he screws over. He will screw anyone and everyone as long as he gets what he wants. With the definition now lingering in your mind, my question is why? Why do guys think it is okay to play with girls like a toy? And why do girls let them do it? We are fairy princesses who deserve to be treated in the best of all ways. We are creatures to be worshiped. Yet we let guys walk all over us just because they have nice hair and nice abs.

Facts about fuckboys:

Fuckboys want nothing to do with relationships.
Fuckboys just want to Netflix and chill.
Fuckboys probably won’t sleep over.
Fuckboys only call you “babe” or “babygirl” or “bae”.
Fuckboys always ask you what you would do to him if he was there.
Fuckboys ask for nudes.
Fuckboys message you past 12am.
Fuckboys don’t want to be seen with you in public.
Fuckboys lie about how many girls he’s talking to.
Fuckboys ask why you took a shower without him.
Fuckboys want to be friends with benefits.
Fuckboys hang out with other fuckboys.
Fuckboys say “I’m not a fuckboy.”

Questions about fuckboys:

  1. Do fuckboys have one fuck person or is it like a one night stand with multiple fuck people?
    This is a serious question. When fuckboys are being fuckboys, are they being a fuckboy with their one main person or are they being a fuckboy with multiple girls? I’m going to assume the second one because they are fuckboys and can’t stay committed to just one pussy.
  2. Are there different levels of fuckboys?
    Level 1 fuckboy: texts “bitches” asking for nudes.
    Level 2 fuckboy: tries to Netflix and chill.
    Level 3 fuckboy: *meets on tinder*
    “hey wanna hang out?”
    *bangs*
    *never talks again*
  3. How does one become a fuckboy?
    Does it take a bad breakup? A bad day? A drunk night? Or just a simple I’m bored? How does one just wake up and think, “I feel like really fucking with women right now.” and following through with it.
  4. What’s the reward of being a fuckboy?
    Good sex. Herpes. A baby. Just the most positive to the most negative rewards.
  5. Is there a downside to being a fuckboy?
    Maybe if you have a few girls that you’re messing with and they find out. Other than that, I don’t see how fuckboys could care about any other downsides. They are getting what they want!
  6. Do they have fuckboy competitions?
    Which of all of the fuckboy friends can fuck over the most girls? Who can hurt a girl the most? Whoever wins has bragging rights in group chat until the next best one hits.

Ladies… watch out for these fuckboys that wander the planet. And if we can find a way to outfuck fuckboys, lets team up and do it.

Lingerie.

I can’t be the only person out there who doesn’t understand this stuff. First off, it isn’t even spelled how you say it so it’s confusing already. Second, why is it so expensive? Isn’t it supposed to not be on very long? Why do people spend so much money on it? Third, how exactly does it work? I have so many questions about this article of “clothing” and I don’t even know where to begin.

  1. Is this a special occasion thing or all the time?
    They have the cute ones for Valentine’s Day with the hearts all over them and the one where you can dress up as slutty Santa, but what about a it’s Friday night and I’m trying to be romantic? Is lingerie romantic?
  2. Do I wear a robe over it?
    Seriously. A trench coat? What if I get cold?
  3. Do I wait in bed for him to come over?
    Have a candle lit, rose petals out, laying there in that cute position that women always are in in the movies. But on the more realistic side of things, if I wait in bed I probably am going to be watching The League and playing Clash of Clans or checking my Twitter feed. Nothing says romance like “hold on, I’m reading about Kim and Kanye’s divorce”.
  4. When is it an appropriate time to put it on?
    I have a ton of sub-questions for this question. I feel like wearing lingerie is almost something you have to plan for. Do you call your guy when he’s typically on his way home from work and try to play it cool?
    “What would you like for dinner? Are you coming home? What time? Right now? Oh perfect, see you in 5 minutes.”
    I mean, at that point you know he’s going to be home soon, but now you only have 5 minutes to get changed and look sexy.
  5. Do I wait at the door for him?
    I feel like guys just go right to the fridge or the couch when they get home. If I put lingerie on I want him to come right to me. Which makes me ask this question… where do I wait for him? Is it weird for me to be sitting in the hallway by the door for him to walk in at any time? Do I wait on the couch? How do I sit? Do I lay down? The questions are truly endless.
  6. What do I do while I’m waiting?
    This kind of goes with my third question. Am I allowed to be on my phone? Should I be eating a banana? Should I call my bff and ask her how her day was? I get bored so easily. Most importantly though… can I clash?
  7. Do I go to the bathroom and change?
    If things are getting heated up and you want to try something new, is lingerie that new thing? You didn’t plan for your night to end up like this, but you’re trying to spice it up a bit so you decide to go to the bathroom and put your lingerie on. Is that weird? Is it hot? I don’t know.
  8. Who takes it off?
    Wait…
  9. Does it come off?
    I never understood this either. We as women buy lingerie to look sexy for our men, to wear for two minutes just to take it off? No, I am wearing this all night and maybe even tomorrow while I make breakfast. I look cute in it! And it was $40.
  10. Does he wear lingerie?
    I hope not. Tight clothes on men is not hot. #SorryNotSorry
  11. Is it like role play?
    If I dress up like Sexy Santa do I have to be in the giving mood? If I dress up like a cop do I have to handcuff him to something? If I’m the Sexy Maid do I have to clean? If I’m a nurse am I supposed to… check his temperature? Or am I just dressing in something?
  12. Am I slutty if I wear it under my clothes?
    This is a real question. What if I have plans after work and want to surprise my man when I get home? Have a cute button up blouse on and walk in the door and have my heels in my hand and have him unbutton my shirt and SURPRISE! Is that even sexy? I don’t know.

I have endless questions, but I feel like these are the ones that really get to me. As a woman, I feel like I should really know the answers to these questions, but I’ll forever be curious. I feel bad for the man who ends up with me.

#ImNotWearingLingerieForYou