As a young girl who had her heart broken at a young age, I understand what it’s like to open up to someone afterwards. I fell in love when I was eighteen years old and it was magical. You feel like everything is perfect and everything is finally falling into place. You feel like you’ll never have to worry about being forever alone again, as every young girl worries about. You open up to this person and tell them everything about yourself from the time when you were three years old and went camping with your parents, to that shitty grade you got on your paper in History today. You give them everything you have and you talk about your futures together. You create dreams together and watch as they begin to come true. You support each other in your first day of college and make sure you go to every sporting event so they have a fan in the stands.
The day finally comes where you two move on from each other. One of you becomes interested in someone else and you grow your separate ways. Priorities become different and your dreams you created together slowly drift apart. You no longer talk about the great things that happened to you today, rather you argue about the stress you are enduring over the huge final you have next week. That is, if you really even talk at all. Things are finally broken off and you sit in your room and wonder what you could have done differently. You watch Nicholas Sparks movies so it gives you a reason to cry rather than cry over your own heartbreak. You go hang out with your friends and keep your mind off of everything going on in your own life. You keep a smile on your face so people don’t ask you what’s wrong.
The feeling of opening up to someone new is scary. What if they judge you for your past? What if they judge you for who you are? You spent the whole last two years building yourself and learning who you are. You made promises to yourself and set your own goals that you hope someone in the future can help you meet. If this person doesn’t like you for who you are now, they are not the one for you. Don’t get me wrong, they are going to pretend to not be interested for a long time and maybe that’s because they are in the same position as you. Maybe it’s because that is their way of flirting with you. Or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to you yet. Whatever you do though, don’t change who you have worked yourself up to be.
One day, you’ll finally go out on your first date with a guy. He will take you to a nice restaurant and pay for your meal. You two will get to know each other and it will be the simple things like, how many siblings you have, what your favorite food is and how many pets you have had in your lifetime. At some point around this time, you two will share your first kiss. If it is the right person, this moment will be magical. For a moment in time you will forget your heart was ever broken. This person instantly becomes glued to your mind. You begin to spend time with them and start opening up more and more to this person about what you want your future to hold and how you want to get there.
And then you remember. You remember what heartbreak feels like and you no longer want to open up to this person because of the pain you once felt. You never want to feel the way you felt sitting in your bedroom two years ago. You don’t want to fear them finding someone prettier, smarter or better than you. At what point do you tell yourself that the time is right and you are ready to forget about how the past made you feel and moving forward with this person who hasn’t hurt you? Unfortunately there is no time for me to say. It could take two months, it could take ten years.
All I know, is when you find this person, you will know it is time. Don’t lose hope when you break your heart. Build yourself to be the best you can be and when the next person comes around, they will help build you up and support you in everything you do. It’s the person who’s bedroom you sneak into late at night so their roommates don’t hear you talking at 4 in the morning. It’s the person that you can joke around and laugh with. It’s someone who your friends will tease you about and tell you how perfect you two are for each other. They make you feel that high school ‘love’ you once felt when you were younger. Falling for someone after you’ve had your heart broken is one of the best feelings you can ever have. You feel hope, and I am optimistic that everybody at some point in their lives can feel this way about someone after having their heart broken.
Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.